April was Stress Awareness Month and divorce and family breakdown is listed as one of the most stressful life events an individual will experience. At Moore Barlow we often assist our clients through their divorce, financial separation and/or navigating child arrangements with a co-parent and we do as much as we can to try to make the legal process as stress-free as possible.
Whilst the stress during these times can feel daunting and over-bearing, there are numerous different processes and techniques outside of the legal context that can help those emotions feel all the more manageable.
What are therapy and counselling?
Therapy and counselling are “talking therapies” that involve trained professionals listening to you, and helping you find ways to deal with and process your emotions. Therapy aims at providing individuals with insight into themselves, often referring to a longer-term, more in-depth analysis of a person and their patterns of behaviour. It will commonly involve looking back at previous experiences to provide insight into current thoughts, feelings and behaviours. Counselling can be more nuanced and shorter-term but follows similar principles to therapy.
Does Moore Barlow offer family therapy/counselling?
Moore Barlow does not offer family therapy or counselling services, but we work very closely with many therapists whom we would be pleased to recommend.
What is divorce coaching?
A divorce coach is a trained professional who provides guidance and support to individuals during their divorce or relationship breakdown. Divorce coaches understand the complex emotions and feelings often experienced when going through a family breakdown and offer a safe space for you to express yourself and your thoughts, as well as provide you with tools and advice to help you manage that moving forward.
Does Moore Barlow offer divorce coaching?
Moore Barlow does not offer divorce coaching directly, although we work very closely with divorce coaches who support and guide our clients navigating through the emotional path of separation. We can recommend someone to support you.
How is this different from therapy?
Divorce coaching tends to follow a forward thinking model of support, focusing on future goals and development whereas therapy is often focused more on healing and processing past emotions in order to understand current behaviours and emotions. Both can be highly beneficial, especially when going through a dramatic change in your life such as a divorce.
What about our children?
Children are often at the forefront of our client’s minds when they are stressed about their family breakdown and whilst it may not be appropriate to discuss the intricacies of the situation with them, they are still affected by the family breakdown. There are numerous different ways in which you can support your children in navigating this situation.
Child Inclusive mediation
Mediation is one of the non-court dispute resolution processes that you are now encouraged to attempt with your partner/spouse, where appropriate, before making an application to court. This is a process whereby an impartial third party will help you both reach a mutually agreeable solution, whether that be in respect of your financial settlement or child arrangements for example. There are numerous different forms of mediation, and you can read more about them here – https://www.moorebarlow.com/blog/different-types-of-mediation-which-one-is-right-for-me/
One form of mediation is child inclusive mediation whereby the child/ren’s views are taken into consideration. This will involve the mediator speaking to each child directly about their wishes, feelings and preferences in a child appropriate way. The mediator, where appropriate, will then feed this back to the parents so that they can take their child/ren’s views into consideration when making decisions. This is a really useful way of ascertaining any worries or concerns your child/ren may be having and what they would like to happen, there is a lot of research showing how beneficial it can be to give your child a voice particularly in decisions that concern them. It can often help parents focus their minds, putting their children’s best interests first to make decisions together.
Please note that this type of mediation is not appropriate in all circumstances particularly if a child is under the age of 10.
Moore Barlow have a number of family mediators who can guide you through this process including Karen Barham who is a child inclusive mediator. Our solicitors can also support you throughout mediation and recommend other child inclusive mediators.
Child specialist therapists
Child specialist therapists are professionals who are trained to work with children and young people to provide support and treatment in order to help them process and manage their emotions. Similarly to therapy for adults, child specialist therapists may delve into the child’s background and experiences in order to better understand their current emotions and behaviours and equip them with tools to manage this going forwards.
Everyday techniques to help reduce and manage stress
As well as the methods mentioned above, often people forget the power of their own mind in managing and coping with stress. I have listed a few everyday techniques below that may help you manage your feelings on a daily basis:
- Mindfulness techniques – e.g. breathing exercises, meditation, manifestation
- Exercise/healthy eating
- Building a strong support network around you whether that be family, friends or work colleagues to enable you to express your thoughts and feelings whenever you need that extra support.
- TALK! Talking to others about how you feel and what you are going through can often ease the pressure and stress you may be feeling. It can reduce feelings of isolation, strengthen social and emotional connections with others and help you to gain new perspectives. If you do not feel comfortable talking to someone you know, there are endless charity and support lines available to support you through your situation such as Mind and Samaritans.
Mind – www.mind.org.uk – 0300 102 1234
Samaritans – www.samaritans.org – 116 123
The power of information
Stress can commonly be a result of the hundreds of unanswered questions running through your head and the uncertainty that comes with that. A lot of people find stress is instantly alleviated when they equip themselves with the information relevant to their situation and have a better understanding about their rights and protections. If you would like to speak to our family and divorce lawyers at Moore Barlow about your situation, please do not hesitate to get in touch.
