Key considerations for couples considering separation

New year, new you. As we enter a new year, many of us take this opportunity to make changes to our lives for the year ahead. These changes can often include choosing to end relationships which are unhealthy or unhappy. January is therefore unsurprisingly one of the most popular times of the year for couples to separate. This can be a very difficult decision to make and is often very emotional, particularly when ending a long-term relationship such as a marriage. For those couples who are contemplating going their separate ways, I have set out some key considerations for couples considering separation.

Are you emotionally ready for a separation?

The feelings someone can feel leading up to separation include those of sadness, anger, disappointment, confusion or even relief. Before making that very final decision, it is important that you both take some time to think about whether separation is really the right choice for you and your family. Consider whether you have explored all avenues including marriage counselling or therapy before making the decision to separate; sometimes with the help of a specially trained third party you may find it easier to understand how your partner might feel about a certain issue which can guide you to a decision either in terms of reconciliation or separation. 

What will your living arrangements be after the separation?

One of the earliest decisions to make will be where you will both live. For some they both choose to stay in the family home until a final decision is reached about how all of the assets shall be decided, others choose for one to remain and one to move elsewhere. Alternatively some decide to market the family home for sale immediately. You both need to consider what is the best and most affordable arrangement for your family including any children. 

For families with children, it is often beneficial for at least one parent to stay in the same area where possible to minimise the disruption to the children’s lives. This is not to say it must be in the same house, but remaining local to school, clubs and friends can make the transition easier for children. 

How are you going to share arrangements for the children?

Any children of the family and their welfare should be a key priority when separating. Try to ensure that the decisions you make are in their best interests, as well as considering what is best for yourselves. The Court generally considers it beneficial for both parents to maintain a role in the children’s lives even if both parents are no longer living together. Consider what time the children will spend with each parent, who is going to take them and pick them up from school and after school clubs, how will you share the weekends and school holidays? 

The court in England and Wales does not automatically get involved in child arrangements. It expects parents to do all they can to reach an agreement between themselves as to what the arrangements should be moving forwards. However, if there are safety concerns or if you are unable to reach an agreement the court can help to make decisions as a last resort. 

Who have you got to support you?

Separation and divorce are one of the top 5 most stressful life events. It is important that you have people who you trust that you can lean on for support. Have you got friends or family with whom you can share what you are going through? What do you do for yourself to help with your own well-being? Whilst some people have huge support networks around them, others do not or do not wish to share what they are going through with others. There are many support networks around where you can listen and share your experiences with others going through the same thing. 

Therapy, counselling and divorce and separation coaching are also great ways to find support personal to you. Specially trained, compassionate professionals, including our separation agreement solicitors can help you understand the complex emotions you are feeling and navigate your way through the separation into your new life.  

Consider taking legal advice at the outset of your separation, once you have decided that you are going to permanently separate. Lawyers will need to know whether you are married or not, whether you have any children and their ages and your financial landscape to be able to provide bespoke advice to you to guide you through your separation.  

If you are married, you will need to consider who is going to make the divorce application and whether this is going to be done jointly or by one of you. You will then need to look at the financial claims arising from the divorce and how the finances are going to be divided.  How are you going to divide up any property, savings, investments, pensions and any debt? You will also need to do this too if you are not married but your claims against each other will be more limited. Lawyers will also able to guide and assist you with child arrangements if you are struggling to agree on these.

How are you going to resolve all of the matters arising from your separation?

After you have considered the legal implications of your separation, you should then consider how you would like to resolve matters. Some couples prefer to speak between themselves and only seek third party assistance when necessary. Others prefer to have no contact and communicate only through lawyers. Many find a way that works for them usually in between these two scenarios. 

Clear communication is important to assist you both through the separation process, it is vital though to establish boundaries for your direct communication that allow for healthy interaction, especially if you are co-parenting. These can include setting a method of communication, frequency of contact and whether there are specific times of the day you wish to discuss matters surrounding your divorce/separation. 

Once you have worked out how to communicate between yourselves, you can then consider which process you are going to use to resolve matters. Your respective solicitors should be able to provide you with detailed information about all the options available and those which are most suitable for you and your situation. Most of these will require you both to cooperate and agree to commit to a process. In summary these include:

How can Moore Barlow help you?

At Moore Barlow we can assist you from the outset of your separation. Our family and divorce lawyers can provide initial advice about how to navigate through the next stages of your separation including what the legal implications are and what a likely outcome is going to be for you. We have specially trained separation agreement solicitors who are able to assist you with almost all of the options set out above and if we are not able to do it, we know someone who does. We also work closely with a divorce coach and therapists who we can refer to you to assist you with the emotional journey you are going on. 

If you have any questions or would like to find out more, please do not hesitate to get in touch.